Non-viral news stories you may have missed

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Breaking news – some regional fuel suppliers accused of profiteering (not this one), charging $1.20 or more for a litre of unleaded petrol.

Even when the world is assailed by an invisible foe – a global pandemic – the ordinary news cycle continues. Not that you’d know it, with electronic and print media obsessed 24/7 with the virus and its long-term effect on the global economy. (That is, the economy has been seriously affected – not ‘impacted’, please- the latter referring to something jammed together, e.g.  wisdom teeth. SWAG(SheWhoAddsGrammaticalNotes))

The Guardian Weekly has taken to presenting 15-20 news briefs badged “non-covid-19 news”. Unavoidably, about a third of these stories somehow manage to touch on the virus that stopped the world in its tracks. But at least they are trying to maintain perspective.

The mainstream media has not so much ignored standout news stories as relegated them well beneath the repetitive coverage of COVID-19.

For example, did you know that Australia’s Easter road toll was greatly reduced in 2020 compared with the four-day public holiday in 2019? Nationally, six people died on Australian roads, compared with 19 on Easter weekend 2019. The Northern Territory usually has the worst Easter road toll per capita, but this year joined Victoria and the ACT in recording zero deaths.

Over the Tasman, New Zealand reported zero deaths on the roads, compared with four last Easter and a record 17 in Easter 1990. That’s hardly surprising, given that New Zealand has been on Level Four lockdown.

Before the virus, stories about refugees and asylum seekers often led the news, or if not the news as we know it, definitely on social media.

The one news story that penetrated the mainstream news was the latest chapter in the three-year ordeal of a Tamil family seeking a safe haven in Biloela.

The family of four was living in ‘Bilo’ quite happily until March 2018, when the Department of Immigration removed them to detention in Melbourne and subsequently to Christmas Island. There have been numerous (failed) legal challenges to the Department of Home Affairs’ attempts to deport the family. The case came to public attention again last Friday when a last minute Federal Court injunction literally stopped the deportation flight on the tarmac at Darwin. The ABC reports the family will remain in Australia (at a Darwin hotel) until at least today. The Department of Home Affairs has repeatedly said the family does not meet Australia’s protection obligations. It is understood their visas expired in early 2018.

If anything positive came from COVID-19, it delivered a temporary reprieve for the planet, dramatically reducing traffic pollution in major cities.

The Guardian commissioned new data that estimates the global industrial shutdown will cut carbon emissions by 5%. Yes, global carbon emissions from the fossil fuel industry could fall by 2.5 billion tonnes in 2020. That is the biggest drop on record.

Activist groups resisting the spread of coal seam gas and/or coal development in rural Australia have put their direct-action campaigns on hold, instead relying on social media for exposure.

The ‘Stop Adani’ campaign, which aims to thwart development of a major coal mine in Australia by an Indian company, claimed a ‘win’ this week.

Social media posts said engineering group FKG had pulled out of the second stage of the crucial rail link being built between the Carmichael mine and the Abbott Point export terminal. Stop Adani’s main thrust now is to put pressure on contracting companies to distance themselves from the controversial project. The next critical date is May 21, when insurance broker Marsh is set to decide on providing essential insurance coverage to Adani. Toowoomba-based FKG Group declined to comment on the Facebook posts.

Adani Australia said on Tuesday it was awarding the $220 million rail contract to Martinus Group. Adani Mining CEO Lukas Dow said anti-coal activists had failed to stop the project going ahead. “Their recent claims that contractors have pulled out of our project are false and we remain on track to create more than 1,500 direct jobs during the construction.”

Meanwhile, Arrow Energy’s 50/50 owners Royal Dutch Shell and PetroChina announced a financial commitment to the first stage of a $2 billion coal seam gas (CSG) project in the Surat Basin. Queensland Premier Anastacia Palaszczuk predictably enough said positive things about the 1,000 jobs this project would create, describing it as “a milestone in Queensland’s economic recovery from covid-19”.

International news stories which did not receive the sort of coverage they did a year ago included the first anniversary of the Notre Dame Cathedral fire.

The anniversary was commemorated on April 15, signalled by a lone bell tolling in locked down central Paris. Despite the chaotic state of the ruined cathedral and COVID-19 restrictions, a mass was celebrated on Easter Sunday and livestreamed to Catholics world-wide.

Work has been halted on the $1 billion cathedral restoration (funds pledged by 340,000 companies and individuals), not only because of COVID-19 but also because of lead contamination.

Also largely missing from the media radar was the first anniversary on March 15 of the Christchurch mosque attacks. Ten days later, the lone gunman charged with killing 51people and injuring more than 40 changed his plea to guilty. The plea saves relatives of those killed and injured from re-living the event through what would have been an international showcase trial.

Unless you subscribe to John Menadue’s blog collective Pearls and Irritations, you probably did not read Judith White’s take on the gutting of the Australia Council’s funding. Cuts announced in early April are the last of savage cuts made in the 2016 Budget and rolled out over four years.

As White reveals, those to lose multi-year funding include the Australian Book Review (Federally-funded for six decades), the Sydney Book Review, Overland magazine and the Sydney Writers’ Festival. Small to medium creatives also affected included Melbourne’s La Mama Theatre and new music company Ensemble Offspring.

 

Speaking of the arts, Winton’s week-long outback film festival, usually held in June, has been postponed to September 18-26. A source said the Vision Splendid Outback Film Festival would go ahead at that time if the government changes its rules about large gatherings.

You may have started watching the latest in the outback noir series, Mystery Road on ABC TV. The original Mystery Road movie was filmed in Winton, as was the sequel, Goldstone. The latest made-for-TV series, filmed in and around Broome and the Dampier Peninsula in Western Australia, has a famous cast member. Swedish actress Sofia Helin, who played homicide detective Saga Norén in the cult series, The Bridge, was one of the first lead actors to portray someone with a form of autism.

In Mystery Road, Helin plays European archaeologist Professor Sondra Elmquist, digging for Aboriginal artefacts in a remote coastal location.

Apart from watching Grey’s Anatomy, we don’t watch 7 very often, but I did catch this snippet, tucked away at the bottom of an online news feed.

Australia’s oldest man, Dexter Kruger, quietly turned 110 on Monday, being characteristically optimistic when speaking to well-wishers at a (virtual) party held in his honour.

“My life has spanned a lot of years and I have touched seven generations of the Kruger family,” he said.

“I don’t know what else (to say), but I will invite you all to my next birthday.”

FOMM  Back Pages: https://bobwords.com.au/climate-extremes-polar-vortex-bushfires/

The joys of gardening

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(Photo: SWPAG (aka Laurel Wilson, suitably attired for gardening – the T-Shirt quote says ‘Economic Rationalism Isn’t’)

This week, determined to write something without uttering the C word, I decided on a blow-by-blow description of our efforts to establish a garden. Great minds do think alike, apparently, as The Conversation published a timely piece on Monday. “It’s a great time to try – a vegetable patch.”  The Conversation’s thrust is that we (the people) have more reason now than at any other time in recent history, to grow our own food. If you take heed of the dire warnings from the International Monetary Fund, by the time the global recession really kicks in, it will be harvest time!

My thumbs have definitely greened over years of associating with She Who Plants and Grows (SWPAG). In the early days, keen to be seen as doing my bit, I weeded down the narrow but sunny side of the house. Alas, the two weedy-looking plants I ripped from the ground were tamarillos, planted by SWPAG.  There was a degree of cold shoulder for a while. Mollified, I tried a parody – “I’m sorry I killed your tamarillos, every night I’ve been hugging my pillow”.

You had to be there.

We always planned to build small vegie gardens in the relatively small back yard of our new abode on the Southern Downs. We went down to the Big Green Shed and spent the equivalent of a months’ worth of fruit and vegie supplies on above-ground garden beds, compost, manure, cane mulch and assorted seedlings.

Then we set about building the first of the timber, no-dig garden beds. After a considerable amount of finessing and swearing, we concluded that the metre-square pre-cut garden beds were not at all precise.

By trial and error we put the first one together, using a battery-powered screwdriver and a hand-held Phillips head screwdriver to finish the job.

The swearing started with repeated attempts to get the box level.

“Next time let’s get the ground level first,” I suggested.

There’s a recipe to follow when making a no-dig garden bed. First you build a layer of small twigs and branches for drainage, then a layer of cardboard. Next a layer of cane mulch, then a bag of manure, another layer of cane mulch, a layer of our very own compost, husbanded (and I use the word correctly), from our own vegetable and fruit scraps, lawn clippings and anything compostable that wasn’t a weed. Then more layers – cane mulch, manure, compost and then more cane mulch. Finally, SWPAG said: “That’s enough.”

We stopped for a cup of tea and a biscuit, which turned into an hour-long bout of stooging about the house complaining about various aches and pains and watching last week’s Gardening Australia.

Later, we watered the new garden and let it sit. Magpies appeared from nowhere and started foraging around the edges where we’d stirred up all kinds of magpie food.

That was Friday. Night fell and we watched the latest edition of Gardening Australia. This truly national show has something for everyone, no matter where you live, even this peculiar temperate/arid zone where 100mm of rain in a day leads  news bulletins.

On Saturday we decided to spice up the day with a trip to the dump. The fellow at the boom gate (1.5 metres away), said “Not another load of garden waste!”. (It’s the new excursion in these ‘iso’ times. Ed)

We got up early on Monday morning and set our minds to building the other two garden beds. Now that we knew what we were doing (Ed; LOL), in no time at all we had three above-ground garden beds. The magpies were ecstatic and the dog christened all of them.

Our fledgling herb garden, established a few months ago, was contained elsewhere in a dozen pots of various sizes. Curiously (I thought), SWPAG tasked me to move the 12 pots, strategically positioning them inside the second above-ground garden bed.

“So we didn’t really need the second bed?”  I ventured, without a trace of criticism or sarcasm.

“Yes we did – it looks tidy that way”.

The thing about gardening, it has to be regarded as a hobby, because financially (the wooden boxes alone cost $147), it makes no sense at all. But it’s great for your mental and physical health, gives a sense of accomplishment and creates convivial times spent outdoors. Best of all, you have something to show for your labours.

I mentioned Gardening Australia – despite the obvious expertise of the presenters, it baffles me how few of them wear gloves or dust masks when handling compost, gypsum, dynamic lifter and a host of other elements added to the soil.

The harmful bacteria and fungi in potting mix have been known to cause lung ailments such as Legionnaires’  disease or Histoplasmosis (the latter a fungus that lives in parts of the US, Central and South America, Africa, Asia, and Australia).

The risk is accentuated if you store bags of potting mix in a moist and warm environment where fungi can multiply. This article in The Conversation qualifies the warning by adding that the risk of contracting lung disease from using potting mix is slim. Nevertheless, I wear a dust mask when using potting mix, cane mulch or any soil additive that gives off dust. SWPAG takes it one step further and wears a respirator.

Sometimes, breathing noisily, she complains in a muffled voice (like Dark Helmet in the 1987 Mel Brooks spoof, Spaceballs):

“I can’t breathe in this thing.”

Wearing gloves is a sensible protective measure. If you are a guitarist (or a person who likes to cultivate long nails) it will protect them from damage. If you have any tiny cuts or abrasions, gloves will guard against picking up infection, or worse, tetanus. There is a vaccination one should have to guard against the latter, a serious bacterial infection that causes muscle spasms.

Even Good Housekeeping magazine got in on the gardening hazards topic, warning gardeners against everything from Lyme disease (we don’t have this in Australia, or so it is said), heat stroke and poisonous plants to a stern warning about harmful chemicals used in lawn and garden care products.

Robyn Francis of Permaculture College Australia, on the other hand, says people should get their hands dirty and soak up the serotonin in the soil. She cites research that “dirt-deficiency in childhood is implicated in contributing to quite a spectrum of illnesses including allergies, asthma and mental disorders.”

No need to be more paranoid than we already are, folks. Be like Bob –  wear a hat, mask and gloves and stay 1.5 metres away from potentially hazardous substances.

Which reminds me of the time a friend was staying with us in Maleny and helped SWPAG plant an edible fruit tree down the back of our half-acre block. Just as they neared the bottom of the hole they’d prepared, a large hairy spider jumped out, rearing up and showing fearsome fangs. To this day they ae not sure if it was a deadly Funnel Web or the less harmful but no less scary Trapdoor Spider.

Risks aside, you could do worse, in this strange time we Australians have abbreviated to ‘Iso’, than to establish a small vegetable and/or herb garden. If, like so many city folk these days, your back yard is small, fear not. Josh from Gardening Australia has (almost) the last word.

FOMM back pages:

 

Martial Law Or Just Do What You’re Told?

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Inventive Brisbane Ekka photo by David Kapernick

This may be Good Friday, but by any definition it’s not all that flash, given varying states of emergency in Australia and attempts to police COVID-19 restrictions (emergent but not quite martial law).

Well may you scoff, as hysteria spreads in the US about the very real prospect of the Commander in Chief ordering the armed forces to take over. Outspoken New York governor Andrew Cuomo has dismissed martial law rumours in his state, although he has tightened business restrictions. As always, the global situation changes by the day.

According to <militarynews.com>, there are more than enough believers that martial law could soon apply in some US states. As we should know, that means the abandonment of civil liberties, free speech and all recourse to legal protections through suspension of habeas corpus. This has happened in recent times in countries relatively close to us, including Fiji, East Timor and Aceh.

Martial law occurs when military control of normal civilian functions is imposed by a government. Civil liberties, such as the right to free movement or protection from unreasonable searches, can be suspended. Civilians may be arrested for violating curfews or for offences not considered serious enough (in normal times) to warrant detention.

The United States has imposed martial law in one or more States on more than a dozen occasions since the formation of the Union. Most were declared because of wars, civil unrest or natural disasters. President Trump has more wiggle room in 2020, thanks to John Warner’s National Defense Authorization Act, brought into law by President George W. Bush on October 17, 2006. In addition to allocating funding for the armed forces, it also gave the president the power to declare martial law and to take command of the National Guard units of each State without the consent of State governors.

The Atlantic reported last month on the extraordinary power available to the President simply by invoking a ‘national emergency’.

This delivers more than 100 special provisions not usually available in peacetime. For example, he can shut down many kinds of electronic communications inside the US, freeze Americans’ bank accounts and deploy troops inside the country to subdue domestic unrest. As The Atlantic’s Elizabeth Goitein observes, it would be OK if one trusted the President to do the right thing. But she points to past abuses, such as President Roosevelt’s rounding up and detaining Japanese nationals, even US citizens, after the bombing of Pearl Harbour. More recently, George W Bush supported programmes of wiretapping and torture after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

As far back as the Civil War, some presidents have had misgivings about martial law. President Lincoln defended the suspension of habeas corpus, saying that while it was constitutionally questionable, it was “necessary to preserve the union”.

It may surprise readers to find that Australia was subject to martial law, notably Tasmania and NSW, during the Frontier Wars of the late 1800s.

Governor Arthur declared martial law (against indigenous peoples) in Tasmania in November 11, 1828.  Soldiers were given the right to apprehend without warrant or to shoot on sight any Aboriginal person in the Settled Districts who resisted them. The edict stressed that tribes that surrendered should be treated with every degree of humanity; and that “defenceless women and children be invariably spared”.

The Tasmanian state of martial law remained in place for three years. Meanwhile, Governor Brisbane introduced his own version of martial law in New South Wales. I have lost count of the Australians who have told me “we were never taught that at school”. Even now, some of the evidence is disputed, but at least there’s enough of it out there to make up your own mind.

Roll forward to 2020 and we have an executive Cabinet running Australia, only recalling Parliament one time, to vote on spending a lot of money to keep the economy in ‘hibernation’. There is a bi-partisan delegated legislation committee to oversee these measures, but how much influence does it really have?

The most sensible analysis I’ve read of this National Cabinet Committee is from libertarian blog, <Cattalaxyfiles>.

The writer describes the Cabinet (the nation’s first ministers – the Prime Minister, premiers and territory leaders), as an attempt at ‘cooperative federalism’. But he argues it has no constitutional authority.

 “The Commonwealth might not actually have the power to do many of the things that are currently being done. The States do. The ‘National Cabinet’ is an unconstitutional fig leaf that allows the States to coordinate their activities while appearing to have a unified national approach.”

Even with just a humble State of Emergency in place, Australian citizens have reportedly been subjected to harassment by police in NSW. Can someone sit on a park bench and eat a kebab? Not if the police have spoken to the same guy twice in the same day, apparently.

Life seems relatively benign in Queensland, compared with zealous police patrols of NSW streets, markets, shopping centres and beaches. Nevertheless, Queensland police have the power to order you to move on (when did they not?) and if you are flagrantly breaking the rules (using a kids’ playground for example), expect to get run in.

But is this anything new?

The National Museum of Australia may be closed, but you can still read online a summary of stern health measures taken by Australian authorities in 1918 and 1919, during the Spanish Flu pandemic’.

“The Australian Quarantine Service monitored the spread of the pandemic and implemented maritime quarantine on 17 October 1918, after learning of outbreaks in New Zealand and South Africa.

“The first infected ship to enter Australian waters was the Mataram, from Singapore, which arrived in Darwin on 18 October 1918. Over the next six months, the service intercepted 323 vessels, 174 of which carried the infection. Of the 81,510 people who were checked, 1102 were infected.”

Despite all best efforts, the illness spread and 15,000 people died of pneumonic influenza, the nation’s name for Spanish Flu. The death toll equated to 2.7 people in every 1000, one of the lowest death rates in the world.

History will show whether or not we can improve on this, more than a hundred years later. Much depends on how long we can all hang in there under virtual house arrest. The cancellation of the Royal Queensland Show (the Ekka) is a clear sign that authorities expect the pandemic to still be around in August.

Authorities decided that exposing up to 400,000 people to the coronavirus was too big a risk. Also, the State government has taken an option over the 22ha Brisbane Showgrounds site for temporary hospital accommodation, just as it happened in 1919, at the peak of the ‘Spanish Flu’ pandemic.

We can only imagine what a blow the Ekka announcement was to the State’s farmers – their annual chance to leave the drought and bushfires behind, put on their best duds and escape to the city.

It’s for the best, they say, but we don’t have to like it.

Further reading: NSW civil liberties advocate Nicholas Cowdery warns extended adjournment is “unacceptable and dangerous for democracy”

https://www.health.gov.au/news/health-alerts/novel-coronavirus-2019-ncov-health-alert/government-response-to-the-covid-19-outbreak

 

 

Working From Home In The Time Of COVID-19

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Working from home through covid-19

Fifteen years ago, just after SARS but before the GFC and COVID-19, I opted out of full-time paid employment and started a consultancy business, working from home. This was an era when many large organisations did not want their employees working remotely. The resistance was hard to understand, given that even in 2005, the technology to do so made it easy, particularly for people in the communications industry.

Now, in plague-ridden 2020, many employers have made working from home mandatory. A Morris dancer friend, whose work often takes her to places like India, has her office set up in one corner of the house. That’s K’s home office above.

“Contrary to others perceptions of this period, I am finding that I am extremely busy (hence the short note), because I have to carry out my usual job achieving the same minimum number of hours. I also have to work out a family timetable and supervise and enforce the online learning that the children have been given.  It is a real handful, and with limited computing resources in the house, we are packed like sardines into the office and dining room space. This results in a lot of distractions and consequently late hours of work.

“But I am finding this period more social because people are uploading virtual folk clubs, sessions and dance events I would not otherwise have the time to attend.  It is an exciting and vibrant time, full of possibility for musical and creative pursuits.”

Mr Shiraz, who recently attended a virtual board meeting via Zoom, said he has seen some inventive ways of setting boundaries when someone is working from home.

“This can range from a sign on Mum’s closed office door “Mummy is at work,” to a friend who posted a list of possible answers to things the kids want to ask her (“Have you looked in the fridge?”).

Residential property researcher Michael Matusik, who has been working from home for nearly five years, has a few practical tips. The most important one is: “Put your arse in the chair” for a set time every day.

“You need to focus and the best way to do that is to be at your desk and sticking to a routine,” he said in a recent Matusik Missive.

”Make a to-do list for the day, week and month ahead and stick to it.

“It is easy to labour unproductively when working from home. It is best to set yourself timeframes to do certain tasks and to take set breaks each day.”

(see link below)

Freelance writer Lisa Southgate started working from home in late 2001 and loves it, so is intrigued to find that friends forced into it by COVID-19 are not coping.

“I was fresh from a job in a big newspaper office, and I knew, because I had a teenager on the spectrum, that whatever I did next it had to involve the late-ish start to the day we used to have in newspapers then. “My son was in his teenage years, and it took him forever to get to school.

“At the time I was getting heaps of freelance offers. I was working in property, tourism and business, and there was a property boom, a tourism boom, and an increase of interest in investment. So I called my accountant, set up an ABN and a business structure and went to it.

“It was great! I could get my son off to school – I could take the endless whingey phone calls from the school staff. And I could concentrate on work and not office politics.

“I didn’t have to spend so much money on clothes and makeup for looking presentable in the office. I sometimes wondered what my interviewees would have thought if they’d seen me sitting there in my Ally McBeal pyjamas.”

The key to working from home, Lisa says, is to work out when your brain works best and design your day around that.

Musician and instrument-maker Andy Rigby reports from rural Victoria that while there are no COVID-19 cases in the vicinity, he thinks it is only a matter of time. He is accepting that this (home isolation), will go on for some time, which might be a problem for his daughter, who is in Grade 6 and bored after day one.

For his part, Andy plans a re-union with the local bush (“which has been sadly neglected in our busy lives”.)

“I have several harp orders, plus whistles, and a fair bit of potential on-line teaching to arrange, so I don’t think I’ll be bored for some time yet.

“I reckon I would qualify for some Government assistance as a small business with most of my income (gigs and school jobs) denied by the virus.”

Self-sufficient people who live on rural properties have no shortage of things to do, although they don’t describe it as ‘working from home’.

Former Queenslander Marion lives on a 52ha farm, in Victoria, which includes about one hectare of ornamentals and vegetable gardens.

“I have no problem productively filling my day with just this work.

“I have had a vegie garden for the five years I have lived here and we have our own meat (cows and sheep) and chooks for eggs. So there is no shortage of food and we are relatively self-sufficient (except for the dreaded toilet paper which I am now rationing).” 

Marion, like so many of the kind readers who responded to my request for home-alone anecdotes, advised us to: “Stay well, stay safe and stay sane. This too will pass.”

Teri from the Granite Belt is not troubled by isolation, keeping in touch with friends and family via group messages test and phone calls. She prefers the latter because “hearing someone else’s voice is the next best thing to a face to face visit.”

“Because we live on a bit of land, we love being at home. Nature is good company. There is always plenty to do here, both practical and creative, with veggie garden, repairs and decluttering top of the list at the moment.”

Ralph from South Australia says staying at home is something he has become used to in recent years and offers some tips.

“I go for days without utterance sometimes, but I am never bored, because there is so much to do. There is the variety of household chores, the cycles of gardening, getting dirty with weeds and compost, harvesting and house repairs.  

“There’s writing the letters you’ve long forgotten to send to old friends and rellies, learning poetry, reading the world’s best speeches, playing chess and, can you remember the rules for cribbage and euchre?”

On a serious note, we know people who are at various stages of chemotherapy or have compromised immune systems. For them, self-isolation is literally a life-preserving strategy.

David, who has just finished his last round of chemo, is susceptible to coronavirus and understands that he needs to self-isolate, along with Mrs David. He tells me, in a fairly neutral way, I thought:

“(Mrs David) is doing her choir practise in the kitchen on her iPad for the first time ever, and it is working.’’

Peter from the Hinterland speculated that there is an important-sounding future PhD thesis in: “Priorities in Panic Buying as an Indicator of National Character.” 

“Data I have noted to date (according to impeccably reliable newspaper reports):

  • Australia: toilet paper, then alcohol
  • Britain: toilet paper, then all groceries
  • Italy: pasta and tickets out of the country
  • USA: more guns
  • Argentina: viagra

Or as another Pete friend said, in a postscript to an email sent when we were travelling:

“Drive safe and keep your bum clean.”

More reading: Wise words from travel writer Lee Mylne https://aglasshalf-full.com/2020/03/23/a-freelance-writers-top-tips-for-working-from-home/

Lisa Southgate’s tips:

Michael’s tips https://matusik.com.au/?s=working+from+home

 

Splendid isolation in the time of COVID-19

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Two wallabies practising social distancing (in Wodonga, Victoria)

As we drove 1,200kms in haste from Albury NSW to the Southern Downs, trying to escape Queensland border chaos, I was grateful for readers’ insights into COVID-19 and isolation. First of all we should credit Sandy W with the witty caption for this week’s photo.

Realising I’d be spending three days driving home before resigning ourselves to self-isolation, I asked FOMM readers for their thoughts on this health crisis. I was overwhelmed with responses, so will keep some back for next week’s quarantine episode.

Two readers sent me the same meme which essentially says:

“Your grandparents fought in a world war. All you’re being asked to do is sit on the couch. Don’t fuck this up.”

The meme memo was a bit too late for the hapless authorities who allowed 2,700 people to disembark from the Ruby Princess and mingle amongst the crowds in Sydney’s streets, shops and nightclubs; 130 passengers have since tested positive to COVID-19.

Yesterday we began 14 days’ voluntary home detention, mindful that we have been travelling through rural NSW in recent weeks.

King Richard of The Village said self-isolation is ‘great’.

“I’m enjoying the time to do all those jobs at home that I put aside for another day. We visit the IGA late in the evening when we need to and keep in touch with friends by phone. It’s a bit like my childhood memories of World War II and self-sufficiency.”

I asked our musician friend Silas Palmer how his gigs were going: “Six major festivals and a lot of small events, all cancelled but we’re in the same position as everybody else.”

“But we’re practicing a lot,” he added gleefully.

Katie Bee self-deprecatingly said: “So far the trickiest thing for me is that with so many things I CAN do, and so much time to do them in, my procrastination knows no bounds!

“But I’m finding myself a little more often on FB, and keeping in touch with friends by phone or email, and am gradually doing jobs that normally never enter my consciousness, after which I reward myself with some Netflix.”

Superchip from Calgary said that having been raised on a remote prairie farm in southern Alberta, isolation was not something that caused him great angst.

“I do not consider my formative years as being spent in social isolation, but I did spend a lot of time alone. I learned how to make my own fun. I learned how to just sit and try to take in my surroundings. I enjoy the company of other people, but I don’t need it on a constant basis. Given the state of the world at present, I feel I am one of the lucky ones. Getting past the pandemic will not be a mental challenge for me.” 

Anne and John are self-isolating, which means missing out of physical contact with grandchildren.

“We are missing our music session, our book clubs and exercise classes,” Ann said. “Our little granddaughter (supposed to be keeping to her school routine at home), Zoomed us this morning and tried to teach us some origami to keep us occupied…..argh!”

Barbara is coming to terms with strict tests and limits in her home, the Independent Living Unit section of an Aged Care Facility.

“The impact of the virus has radically changed our lives in the past couple of weeks, but particularly in the past couple of days.   All entrances other than the main one to our Residential Care Facility were closed last week; entrance restricted to two only visitors at a time (who have their temperature taken and are then asked to use hand sanitiser). This test has now been extended to delivery drivers visiting the facility.

Despite the constraints, she does not feel out of touch with the world.

“My IPhone is in full use. I can have uke jam sessions with friends; enjoy the light hearted Facebook posts and many, many things to keep my day full.” 

 A few of my readers appear to belong to the introvert club (we are apparently supposed to teach extroverts how to handle this).

Roger Ilott has been a professional musician and sound engineer for more than 30 years and is not fazed at all.

“As the ultimate stay-at-home, this is fulfilling a lifelong ambition of mine – I’ll never have to go out again!

“I actually always just wanted to be a session musician and did quite a bit of that in the 1970s and 1980s. Since Penny (Davies) and I started our own folk music label back in 1982, I’ve been able to do loads of session work as well as performing. I’m happy all my days sitting in the studio recording (and in cricket season, streaming the Sheffield Shield while I record!).”

After eight days in isolation, Ruth realised this was very similar to how her life has been for the past eight years, caring for her husband who had a serious stroke.

“I have come to this realisation after speaking to family and friends on the phone, some of whom are expressing angst and frustration. On listening, I realise I don’t feel like this at all. I am actually loving it. Loads of time in the garden( work and pleasure), heaps of time for photo sorting and sending, enjoyment in doing things I NEVER do, eg, cleaned all our windows inside & out the other day!”

Choir enthusiast First Soprano said that self-isolating for a couple of weeks would be easy as long as you prepared appropriately.

“Social isolation, as we know, is not a healthy situation (and unfortunately, unlike the Italians, we don’t live in high-rise flats; Italian city folk have been able to continue “socialising” from their balconies, which actually looks like lots of fun and would certainly keep spirits up), but happily in this day and age we have Skype and FaceTime so we can still easily keep in touch with family and friends.”

Jim from Albuquerque said life in the time of Corona had made a difference in his working class neighbourhood.

“Both friends and neighbours with either high or low paying jobs are on furlough or worse. Some better compensated than others in time-off but all paddling the same boat. Neighbourly relations are conducted at a safe remove but with a higher content of cordiality: Hey, howya doin’?; Feelin’ OK?; Need anything? Toilet paper?”

“Mercifully, no one is sick.”

Jon from Vancouver Island says there is always plenty to do on his little farm in what is often regarded as Canada’s Riviera.

“Spring has just arrived, which means preparing the garden for the upcoming season. Like many, I shudder when reviewing my market stocks but this brings with it a modicum of patience, realizing that fixing this up effectively is beyond me.” 

Ms Proodreader, who lives alone, said she is enjoying the interaction with virtual choirs and musicians sharing online.

“I’m mostly staying upbeat but I’m prone to little bursts of panic. I’m very much keeping away from all media….. especially social media…… as there is so much misinformation and I just need to know the basics not the analyses and the what ifs.” 

Yeh I’m with Proodie on that one. There is a lot of misguided and possibly inaccurate information being spread on social media by people who should know better. The mainstream media is completely obsessed and helplessly looking for any new angle.

As for the free papers left in the letterbox – wash your hands after reading.

Postscript: You might enjoy Erin Sulman’s Apocalypse Playlist. If you do have a listen, track 30 is Warren Zevon’s Splendid Isolation. It was recorded live in Brisbane in 1992 – you can probably hear us and Prince Richard of the Village cheering.

 

 

Don’t fence me in – a COVID-19 adventure

covid-19-travel-adventure
The author looking for an elusive bird at Sawn Rocks, 25kms from Narrabri. Photo by Laurel Wilson.

In downtown Dubbo, NSW, the checkout operator at one of the major supermarkets described the day as ‘crazy’. Shopping late (6pm) we managed to buy enough food to tide us over, mindful of Scotty from Marketing’s exhortation to stop hoarding, because ‘it’s UnAustralian’. But the PM was at least three weeks late with that edict, which fell on deaf shoulders (in Dubbo at least). There were plenty of empty shelves and shortages. No rice, mince, long life milk, potatoes, pumpkins or toilet rolls. I cracked a lame joke with a customer about SFM’s demand that we stop hoarding.

“Didn’t work here,” was the terse response. (Possibly because people resent being spoken to like naughty schoolkids.Ed.) The only things on our list that we could not buy were spuds and long life milk – the mainstay of campers everywhere. What is that about? In normal times supermarkets can’t give it away!

But these are not normal times, not at all.

As of 8pm on Thursday, there were 565 diagnosed cases of coronavirus in Australia. Yes, it is spreading fast. But lazy reporting, combined with deliberate sensationalism in the news media does not help with perspective.

Example: “The number of COVID-19 cases in NSW (265), has escalated dramatically,”  the comment not balanced with the observation, ‘Australia’s most populous state’ (7.54 million).

Scotty and his War Cabinet came up with the idea of advising the cancellation of all non-essential events attracting crowds of more than 500 people. Just why they decided on that arbitrary number is one mystery. The other imponderable is why the COVID Crisis Team decided to foreshadow the plan on March 11 but postpone it until after the weekend of March 13-15, which just happened to be the start of the rugby league season.

As we all now know, future rounds of NRL matches will be held in empty stadiums, to attempt to limit the spread of the virus; to flatten the curve, as they say.

Regardless of what happens to the infection rate now, 80,000 people attended eight rugby league games last weekend, not to mention the thousands who attended the Hillsong Conference in Sydney. As of last Monday, you can’t go and watch a live footie game anywhere.  I have no argument with that, but must roll out the old cliché about  closing the stable door. Too late, Scotty, that horse has bolted. The War Cabinet may yet regret the decision to let 80,000 people co-mingle, three days ahead of a ban on mass gatherings, which they now tell us could last for six months.

As I said last week, we are on the road and anything could happen. The three music festivals and a garden show we had planned to attend have been cancelled. Nevertheless, we motored on down the New England and Newell highways, giving our new-ish caravan its first serious road-test.

People we know who are taking the coronavirus more seriously than we are (so far) seemed alarmed that we were not self-immolating or whatever they call it. We are not alone. I counted 185 vehicles between Moree and Narrabri (some 100kms). A third of them were trucks – essential services, no doubt. In a way, we travellers are all self-isolating, sealed in our air conditioned cabs except for times when we have to refuel (paying by EFTPOS, using the same keypad upon which hundreds of customers have already left their microbe-laden fingerprints).

We’ve been staying in local showgrounds, a process which usually involved leaving cash in an honesty box. Vans are parked a long way from each other so there’s not much interaction unless you go looking for it. As I have remarked to people who know me well – I have no trouble with social distancing.

It’s a bit hard to find a news story which is not touching on the coronavirus pandemic, even in a small way, so we switched off and went birdwatching. Lake Narrabri is a good spot to see water birds of all varieties, which we did, thanks to the unprecedented discipline of getting out of bed at 7am!

If we were not ambling around country New South Wales (centre of the coronavirus universe, remember), we’d not have seen the amazing Sawn Rocks (photo above). The basalt formation lies at the bottom of a small gorge in remnant rainforest. The spectacular geology is known in the trade as ‘organ piping’.

Later we drove to Gulargambone, (kudos for those who can pronounce it correctly) stopping off for a good soak in the Pilliga Bore Baths. There were three other people in the pool and we all negotiated our corners without anyone having to say anything. I noticed that they close the baths for cleaning on Friday mornings.

Matters of personal hygiene loom large when assailed by a fast-spreading virus for which there is no vaccine. Dubbo’s biggest supermarket was right out of all items related to hand sanitation. My plan is to buy a small spray bottle from a $2 shop and mix up a mild solution of antiseptic and water. I was bemused to see sideline officials at the Tigers vs Dragons game, disinfecting footballs every time one of them went off-field. Dip, rinse and dry. Then gloved-up ball kids ran the ball back to where it was needed. Did that really happen?

The cancellation of the three music festivals at Katoomba, Yackandandah and Horsham was not a financial loss for us, apart from deciding not to upgrade our non-refundable cheap air fares to Sydney and back.

We were just going to these festivals as punters, maybe picking up a walk-up gig along the way. But I feel for my musician friends trying to earn a living in a notoriously fickle business.

As one muso friend said: “We’re watching our careers evaporate and transition to an online model that can’t possibly be sustained.”

Sick of all the negativity and doom-saying across all media, I went on a hunt for the places which had the smallest exposure to COVID-19. Gibraltar, a British protectorate located between Spain and Morocco, has only three reported cases after banning all cruise ships quite some time ago. The Vatican (meaning the Holy See), had one reported case, and the ACT has three, including high-profile politician Peter Dutton. Or you could head for the Northern Territory where no cases of COVID-19 have been reported. But you’d have to be sure you were not carrying the virus, and apparently that is the one thing none of us know.

I’m not at all sure how the Vatican City, a walled enclave within greater Rome, has managed to keep coronavirus out. Italy now has 25,000 cases and the death toll has reached 1,809. Normally a haven for tourists in the lead-up to Holy Week, this report says tourists have vanished across Italy. That must be a weird feeling for the citizens of Venice, who each year host 20 million tourists.

Closer to home, the Byron Bay Blues Festival and Canberra’s National Folk Festival at Easter have both been cancelled, with a host of smaller events following suit. Sydney’s Royal Easter Show and Melbourne’s annual flower show have also been axed. This is likely to be a financial disaster for the catering businesses who earn a living from such events.

Meanwhile we will continue on our uncharted road adventure, spending a bit of money in local towns, as my editor person says “until someone in authority orders us to stop.”

Tiptoe through the ukulele group

Ukulele-group
Ukulele image: Eduardo Letkenman, Pixabay.com

One Tuesday morning recently I tiptoed into an auditorium and onto the stage, threading my way through the U3A ukulele group to take the one vacant seat.  I arrived at the Senior Citizens rooms at 10am but we were supposed to be there at 9.30am. The group was up to song three (Maggie) by then. So I calmly set up my music stand, took the baritone uke out of the bag and joined in at the start of verse two. The delay was due to setting up my songbook, which has chords for a baritone ukulele, completely different to the rest of the group.

There are ukulele groups everywhere you go these days. There’s a Brisbane Ukulele Musicians Society in Brisbane – which accounts for the acronym BUMS and a similar group on the Sunshine coast, SCUMS.  I think this probably typifies the attitude of ukulele groups. They don’t take themselves too seriously. Or at least, ours doesn’t, as the tutor wasn’t fazed by my late entry, something which could get you fired if you were, say, second violin in a symphony orchestra.

I decided to buy a ukulele and join a group when we moved to our new town. I figured how hard could it be – I’d been playing guitar for 45 years. I spoke to a musician friend who works at a guitar store. It was his day off, but he recommended someone to talk to and ventured some opinions about ukuleles.

These small, four-stringed instruments are popular with children and bored septuagenarians, as they are easy to learn. Often all you need to form a chord is one finger on one fret. The strumming is something else, but a cinch to a guitarist. The baritone uke is tuned to the top four strings of a guitar. So, with a customised chord chart, I mastered six or seven chords at my first session.

You can’t and shouldn’t diss the ukulele as so many people do when referring to the banjo. The ukulele has enjoyed several starring moments in the popular music spotlight over the last 140 years or so.

If you are my vintage, you will remember Tiny Tim’s 1968 recording of Tip-toe Through the Tulips, which charted for nine weeks and reached No 17 on the Billboard Top 100.

Perhaps it was not so much the novelty of the ukulele but Tiny’s Tim’s tremulous falsetto and his waif-like persona that captured the public’s attention. This video has been viewed 15 million times although you’d have to ask yourself why. Al Dubin and Joe Burke wrote the song in 1929 and it was first popularised by Nick Lucas. If you are a younger person, you may have encountered it in the 2010 horror movie, Insidious.

That’s a good word to describe how the ukulele gets under a musician’s skin. Contemporary musicians to employ the uke include Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Eric Clapton, Eddie Vedder and the late George Harrison. In 2006 a studious-looking Japanese player, Jake Shimabukoro, revived Harrison’s While my Guitar Gently Weeps, performing it in New York’s Central Park on so-so quality video. Nonetheless, it has had 16 million views and set Shimabukoro on a hectic schedule of touring around the world. One of the many people to leave comments said: “My uke must be broken, it sounds nothing like this.” If you thought this was a fluke, check out Jake performing Bohemian Rhapsody at a Ted Talk in 2010.

Like many people who play, Jake describes the ukulele as ‘the instrument of peace’, a sentiment echoed by Loudon Wainwright III in a 2010 song. LWIII remarks here “if every baby was issued with a ukulele at the time of their birth, there would be world peace……and a lot of lousy music!”

Actor, singer-songwriter and comedian George Formby found ukulele fame with a smutty ditty he wrote called When I’m Cleaning Windows. If you’re going to watch this next video, bear in mind what media historian Brian McFarlane said of his movies in the1930s and 1940s, Formby portrayed ‘gormless Lancastrian innocents who would win through against some form of villainy, gaining the affection of an attractive middle-class girl in the process’.

Formby owes much of his success to purchasing a ukulele and marrying Beryl Ingham, both of which he did in 1923. Beryl became his stage manager, insisting that he wear a suit and introduce the ukulele to his act. From such showbiz savvy came hugely popular songs like Bless ‘Em All and Leaning on a Lamp Post (reprised by Herman’s Hermits in the 1960s).

So you may be wondering why I would take up ukulele at an advanced age. I tell people it’s to get me out of the house and that much is true. The U3A group of about 20 people meet every week and our tutor Martin is keen on getting us out to perform at retirement villages and the like.

As most guitar players would know, when you mostly play by yourself, at home, eventually you reach a learning plateau. That’s when many people quietly put the axe away and take up lawn bowls or quilt-making. Buying an easy-to-learn instrument like a ukulele more or less commits you to joining a group, so it becomes a social occasion, but also a way to challenge yourself to keep up with the pace. It is also very soothing. Actors Tom Hanks, Ryan Gosling, Pierce Brosnan and William H Macy play uke for recreation. Macy says he and his wife play the instrument to ‘self-soothe’. I could not agree more, though whether She Who Is Just Down the Hall appreciates hearing my self-soothing experiments is another matter.

The growing popularity of the instrument has created a need for ukulele festivals – weekend events attended by uke enthusiasts. If you like camping, music and camaraderie, go no further than Kenilworth on the first weekend in May. This will be the 7th annual Sunshine Coast Ukulele Festival. I might even be there!

If you spend time on YouTube, it does not take long to uncover brilliant musicianship. I’m not the first to recommend this YouTube video which features the late Hawaiian ukulele player and singer Israel Kamakawiwo’ole (Iz). His 1993 medley of What a Wonderful World and Somewhere over the Rainbow has had almost 80 million views, unusual for a five-minute song. You might have heard it first on an episode of ER.

The ukulele (originally called a machete), emerged from the islands of Portugal in the late 1880s, when immigrant sugar cane workers introduced it to Hawaii.  A hundred years later, the 1990s uke revival brought into popular use to augment folk and country bands. Ukulele orchestras emerged; a skilled arranger can achieve a lovely sound by scoring parts for the main types of uke – soprano, tenor, baritone and bass.

My musician pal advised against buying a cheapie (from $12 in discount department stores). I had already decided to do just that and ended up with a $159 baritone instrument made from maple. I learned to play guitar on a six-string classical instrument, so quickly got used again to the different feel of nylon strings.

Music aficionados will say you can never get a good sound out of a four-string instrument with nylon strings. Well, here’s the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain (as Mr Waits would say, they’re big in Japan), thrashing out AC/DC’s Highway to Hell. The lead break is awesome.

FOMM will be on the road for the next four weeks so who knows what will happen!

 

 

Hoarding, Free Vaccines, Panic Buying

Hoarding-vaccines-panic-buying
Image of COVID-19 by iXimus from Pixabay

Life goes on, amid news reports of panic buying and hoarding, as reporting of the coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to terrify the masses. We have seen manifestations of this terror in the past fortnight with an (ongoing) share market correction, led by the US and blindly followed by investors in Australia and elsewhere. So far it is no more dire than the corrections during the GFC. The popular theory is that global share market investors fear the effect the coronavirus could have on business, imports and exports and the ever-valuable tourism market.

The seven-day share market correction was followed at home by reports of panic buying of non-perishable groceries. Shelves were cleared in supermarkets, amid assurances by retailers that their supply chains were solid. Hand sanitiser is at the top of a curious list.

Toilet paper was one of the items bought in bulk, prompting one Australian supermarket chain to limit sales of dunny rolls to one four-pack per person. Social media gurus have been busy making memes of Aussies swathed in dunny paper, speculating about what sorts of things one needs to hoard, assuming the worst (global contagion, financial mayhem, collapse of law and order).

I looked but could not find references to food or toilet paper in this list from a survivalist website. There are lots of solid tips about water filtration, fire-lighting, charging batteries (with solar), emergency lighting, fishing equipment and a multi-use gadget called a Spork. Oh, and they list a variety of weapons for hunting and self-defence including a crossbow.

By happenstance, last week I picked up a battered copy of The First Horseman by John Case from a public library sale.

The plot involves a virologist (and a journalist), who is trying to locate and exhume five miners who died of Spanish Flu in 1918 while working in the Arctic. The bodies are buried in ice, so the plan is to harvest the hopefully preserved Spanish Flu virus and develop a vaccine. You guessed it, there’s a bad guy; a megalomaniacal cult leader who thinks there are too many people in the world.

As I continued to read The First Horseman, cases of coronavirus increased world-wide. As of 1st of March, there were just fewer than 80,000 cases in China (3.5% death rate) and some 7,000 cases in other countries, with a death rate of 1.4%). In Australia, the number of reported cases rose to 41. The World Health Organisation (WHO) has previously said the mortality rate of coronavirus varies from 0.7% to 4%, depending on the quality of healthcare and the urgency of the response in affected countries. This week the WHO upgraded the mortality rate to 3.4%, which brings us back to comparisons with the Spanish Flu which had a mortality rate of 2% to 3%, although it afflicted some 500 million people around the world. Author John M Barry put it in perspective when he said in his book The Great Influenza that the flu killed more people in 24 weeks than HIV/AIDS did in 24 years.

A major study done by Chinese researchers said that 80.9% of people diagnosed with Coronavirus exhibited mild symptoms and recovered. Only 13.8% of cases were described as severe and only 4.7% as critical. The highest fatality rate is for people aged 80 and older, at 14.8%. The majority of people who died suffered pneumonia-like symptoms.

Pneumonia is a lung inflammation caused by bacterial or viral infection. (Have you had lunch yet?).The air sacs fill with pus and may become solid. Inflammation can affect both lungs.

Patients usually spend a few days in hospital hooked up to intravenous antibiotics and oxygen/nebulisers to help them breathe. Some forms of pneumonia are contagious. You didn’t know that? Yes, it spreads the same way as the common cold and other viruses.

Pneumonia in the elderly happens fast and the prognosis is poor. The elderly are more susceptible to severe pneumonia, which has a mortality rate as high as 20%. Of the 2.6 million pneumonia deaths in 2017, 1.13 million were aged 70 or older.

Egad! Now where did I file that letter from the medical centre – the one offering (free) immunization for pneumonia? Yes, it’s true; there are advantages to crawling over the peak of the hill, past the 69 sign. I am eligible for a bone density scan ($125), a shingles vaccine ($217) and a vaccine against catching pneumonia ($133), free of charge.

I recommend this reliable website to track the escalation of coronavirus. Of the 52 Australians diagnosed with the virus, 22 have recovered, two have died and six (including health workers in aged care facilities), are the only patients who did not have a recent history of travel to high-risk countries.

It’s not so easy tracking the health of the global share market.Global investors are second-guessing themselves, ignoring Tuesday’s rally (after a seven-day selloff which hacked 11% off the value of the market). On Wednesday, the all ordinaries index was down 113 points after Tuesday’s Reserve Bank interest rate cut. It bounced back again on Thursday by a similar amount and yes, down 111 points on Friday morning.

The volatility is a finger in the air to the world’s central banks, which seemingly colluded in a co-ordinated campaign to cut rates. The conundrum for investors is this: invest in term deposits or bonds and let inflation erode your capital, or trust the share market to claw back value, restore confidence and keep paying dividends.

Despite the clear fact that losses on a share portfolio are paper losses unless physically sold, a major market correction triggers certain events.

The young and brave who hold ‘geared’ share portfolios probably faced a ‘margin call’ last week. Gearing means borrowing money from a financial institution to buy listed shares.

The main catch with borrowing money to buy shares is this: if your portfolio (valued say at $100k), drops in value to $85k, you, the borrower will have to find $15,000 in cash to cover the lender’s risk.

A major study of investors carried out by the Australian Stock Exchange concluded, inter alia, that only 5% borrow to buy shares. Nonetheless, in a survey asking investors this very question, up to 60% of those aged between 25 and 44 seemed keen on the idea.

The other event triggered by a share market collapse is that those retirees receiving part pensions from the government have to report what Centrelink describes as a ‘change in your circumstances’.

So if your part-pension is calculated on assets, you duly report a 10%-12% decrease in the (paper) value of your share portfolio. This should increase your part-pension proportionately. As usual, if you don’t sell, nothing changes apart from the balance on a spreadsheet.

So, of these two global contagions, which will first be healed?

As the ABC’s Alan Kohler pointed out, despite the correction, Australian shares are still over-valued. My take on the share market volatility is to say that when a market is down 200 one day and up 120 the next, day traders are making a killing.

But market volatility is a risk in itself as the fear contagion wafts down to Mums and Dads investors, who all may decide to hide it under the mattress.

As for the coronavirus, senior citizens’ organisations are taking modest steps to ensure their constituents (the age group most at risk) follow simple but effective rules to avoid spreading viruses.

I actually think this set of rules ought to apply in general, adding: “If you are sick, stay home until you are not.” (To which the bolshie Ed aka SWPT adds, that’s one of the many problems of a casualised workforce- even if you’re sick, you can’t afford to stay home – ‘do you want germs with that?’)

February 29 – a most ingenious paradox

February-29-paradox
Sasin Tipchar, www.pixabay

Every four years we get to wish our friend (let’s call her Hannah), a very real birthday, as she was born on February 29. Hannah was born in a Leap Year, so officially celebrates her birthday every four years. Leaplings, as they are known, are a rare breed.

There have been only 2,470 Australians born on February 29 over the past 10 years, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. There are, however, 4.8 million Leaplings world-wide, 205,000 of whom live in the USA.

The chances of being born on February 29 are 1 in 1427. Longer odds might apply to Hannah’s discovery that a fellow Leapling shared her workplace.

Hannah has warmed to the idea over the years, saying it is always a talking point when birthdays are being discussed. In the workplace, there is little chance of avoiding that special day. On her 48th birthday (when in Leapling terms she was only 12), Hannah’s work colleagues approached her deadpan, declaring it was time for ‘the talk’.

There are a few catches to being born on a day that is only recognised every four years. Chief among them is the plight of Frederic, an apprentice pirate in Gilbert & Sullivan’s light opera, The Pirates of Penzance.  In Pirates, G&S, as usual, indulge their penchant for social satire: a man of low social standing is smitten by a middle-class damsel (or vice versa). Someone usually objects to the romance and so the fun ensues.

In this case, Frederic falls for the Pirate King’s daughter Mabel (she reciprocates). Unluckily for Frederic, he was born on February 29. The Pirate King decrees (on a technicality) that Frederic is not old enough to marry anybody and is in fact indentured until he reaches the age of 21 (or in Frederic’s case 84 years).

G&S cut loose on the concept of Leap Year, declaring it “a most ingenious paradox”.

G&S’s copyright expired in the 1980s, so I’m quoting at length the Pirate King’s reasoning (delivered mid-song as a rhyming monologue):

“For some ridiculous reason, to which, however, I’ve no desire to be disloyal,

Some person in authority, I don’t know who, very likely the Astronomer Royal,

Has decided that, although for such a beastly month as February, twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty,

One year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine and twenty.

Through some singular coincidence – I shouldn’t be surprised if it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy –

You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February;

And so, by a simple arithmetical process, you’ll easily discover,

That though you’ve lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you’re only five and a little bit over!

I am not the first to observe that by acquiring an extra day every four years, employers are getting our enterprise for a bargain. February 29 is not a public holiday and it matters not if it falls on a weekend (as it does in 2020). The bottom line is, it’s an extra day is squeezed into the calendar, at the expense of working people.

It did not surprise me, then, having made this observation, to discover an attempt in the UK to have February 29 declared a Bank Holiday.

A petition made to the 2015-2017 government argued that the average salaried worker was losing out on £113 pounds ($A233)  on account of being required to work one unpaid day in a calendar year.

The government responded to the petition, signed by 16,856 citizens, saying it had no plans to introduce an additional public holiday. An Impact Assessment for the additional Diamond Jubilee holiday in 2012 revealed that day alone cost the UK economy around £1.2 billion. Moreover, the government said, the extra day actually benefited those (Ed: in the gig economy), paid by the day or the hour.

I found a trove of statistics around February 29, which dates back to1582. It started with Pope Gregory III and the Gregorian calendar. It was calculated that it takes 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds for the Earth to go around the Sun. This results in an accumulation of ‘quarter days’. The Gregorian calendar added an extra day every four years to counteract this.

As if 29 days in February were not enough, two countries had a stab at adding yet another day. Sweden introduced a February 30 in the early 1700s (by accident), during a period where the country was switching from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar.  The Soviet Union observed February 30 in 1930 and 1931 after introducing a ‘revolutionary calendar’ in 1929. This calendar featured five-day weeks, 30-day months for every working month.

Leaplings share their birthday with celebrities including Italian composer Gioachino Rossini, actor Dennis Farina, big band era singer Dinah Shore, rugby league player Nelson Asofa-Solomona, Australian actor and comedian Frank Woodley and US rapper Ja Rule.

But what you probably really want to know is why women are encouraged to propose to men in a Leap Year.

One version is that Ireland’s St Bridget and St Patrick cooked it up between them in the 5th century. If a woman proposed to a man and he refused, he had to buy her a pair of gloves, so the legend goes.

Other accounts say the tradition started in Scotland, where the unmarried Queen Margaret took St Patrick’s informal arrangement and passed it into law in 1288, giving women the right to propose to men in a Leap Year. Men who refused the proposal in Scotland were ‘fined’, the penalties ranging from a kiss to a silk dress for the jilted woman.

Canadian blogger Omar Ha-Redeye, writing in Slaw, Canada’s online legal magazine, doubts this story, observing that as Queen Margaret was only five years old at the time, her influence on matters of State was somewhat suspect.

Nevertheless, the Celtic folklore about Leap Year was readily adopted by Victorian society, who held Leap Year dances, so women could find suitable men to whom they could propose.

Given its romantic potential, I was puzzled to find only one mainstream movie made around the idea of a woman proposing to a man in a Leap Year.

Perhaps nobody has been game since reviewers gave Leap Year (2010) such a bollocking. Leap Year, starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode, is set in Ireland. The opaque plot involves a girl (Amy) travelling abroad to propose to her boyfriend. In so doing, she gets involved with Declan (Goode), a grumpy Irish innkeeper with money problems. The movie is said to be loosely based on the silver screen era hits It Happened One Night and I Know Where I’m Going.  

Empire critic William Thomas made it clear how far short it fell of the romantic sizzle of the latter (starring Clarke Gable and Claudette Colbert).

“Rubbish. Irish eyes will be hard pressed to grimace, let alone smile,” Thomas wrote.

Donald Clarke of The Irish Times gave the film one star out of five, saying it was “offensive, reactionary and patronising”. He said Leap Year (widely accepted as the worst movie made about Ireland), was evidence that: “Hollywood is incapable of seeing the Irish as anything but IRA men or twinkly rural imbeciles”.

Ah yes, but the romantics leapt at Leap Year, shelling out $32.6 million at the box office.

What do critics know, eh?

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