Dangerous Australia Revisited

This week’s essay is brought to you by the letter S – snakes, sharks, spiders, scorpions, stingrays, stonefish and sand flies. Some might dispute the description of the saltwater sand fly or midge as deadly. But itchy bites can sure take the edge off a beach holiday. The odds of being bitten by a sand fly in their territory (saltwater marshes) are probably 2-1, with longer odds for those experiencing extreme reactions (me and She).

Of course there are many other potentially deadly Australian critters, names starting with other letters – blue ringed octopus, crocodiles, dingoes, marine stingers, mosquitoes and so on.

At Cape Hillsborough, North of Mackay, sand flies dominated every casual conversation. The trick is to slather yourself with insect repellent before you go outdoors and avoid being out in the early morning and late afternoon. The other sensible tip (which few people heed when at the beach) is to cover as much skin as possible with long shirts, trousers and socks. Some swear by taking vitamin B or variants but this has not been clinically proven to make you less attractive to midges/sand flies.

When my nephew in New Zealand was first planning to bring his kids over for a tour of the Gold Coast theme parks, he had been watching a National Geographic TV series, Australia’s Deadliest. The weekly tales of snake bites, shark attacks and rogue crocodiles all but put him off. Yes, it is true we have some lethal critters, but the chances of becoming a victim are not high.

A study by the University of Melbourne concludes you are more likely to be killed by being trampled on or thrown from a horse.

While we would not want to diminish the horror of a shark attack, fatalities averaged two per year between 2000 and 2013. The number of crocodile fatalities was lower still – 19 deaths over 13 years. Having said that, if a shark or croc gets you, chances of survival are slim.

Near the end of an amphibious vessel tour at 1770, the skipper encouraged guests to enjoy their stay, but added a warning. Four people had recently been stung by stonefish in the shallows around this estuarine settlement. Stonefish, as the name implies, camouflage themselves in the sand, trying to look like the spiky rocks they so resemble. If you stand on a stonefish, it will inject a barb into your foot causing immediate and dire pain. Stonefish stings are not usually fatal, but the pain is such you may wish you were dead. First aid measures include putting the affected foot in a bucket of warm water, gradually adding hot water until it is as hot as you can stand. This is an interim pain relief measure while you wait for paramedics to arrive and administer heavy duty pain killers. You will probably be taken to hospital and, if necessary, have the barb surgically removed. Some intrepid reporter may well track you down and write a story.

Having taken this information on board, we were cautious when strolling on the Cape Hillsborough beach at low tide. My sister-in- law took pictures of sea creatures around exposed rocks, including today’s photo. We say it may or may not be a blue ringed octopus, as we have sent the photo in for ID and have not yet heard back.

Blue ringed octopus rarely bite people, but if they do, the venom can be fatal. They live in tidal pools, remaining out of sight during the day and hunting by night. As with all small marine critters, best left alone, eh. The more common venomous sea critters in North Queensland, which keep people from swimming between October and May, are marine stingers. All manner of jellyfish live in the warm tropical water, the most venomous being the Australian box jellyfish. If stung, the best medical advice is to pour vinegar on the stings and carefully remove tentacles (this will stop more stinging but not the pain).  Call 000.

As for snakes, I can identify tree snakes, pythons and Red Belly Blacks. The latter are venomous but shy and will rapidly retreat if you leave them room. Not so the Eastern Brown, which will look for an excuse to attack. If you are out bush walking in Australia and spot a snake, stop, then quietly back up. We did this recently on a bush walk in Maleny, when spying two pythons who were either fighting or making baby snakes. Either way, we gave them a wide berth. The Royal Flying Doctor Service says 3,000 people were bitten by snakes in 2020. There were 550 hospitalisations and two people died.

Not to mention funnel web spiders

We were planting a tree down the  bottom of our half acre block and I pulled out the remnants of a tree root. Up jumped this big black hairy spider which reared up on its back legs. (I went inside and made a nice cup of tea and googled funnel web spider). Some members of the funnel web family produce venom which is toxic to humans. There have been no reported deaths since development of antivenene. All the same, if you see a large black hairy spider which appears to be aggressive, move well away.

Snake, shark and croc attacks are page one fodder for media hyperbole, so here’s some perspective to balance the shock horror headlines. A study by Melbourne University found that In the period 2000-2013, 26 people were killed by sharks and 19 by crocodiles. In the same period, 74 Australians died after being thrown or trampled by a horse.

Dr Ronelle Welton, from the University’s Australian Venom Unit, looked at hospital admissions data from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, as well as Australian coronial records from 2000 to 2013.

During that period, snakebites killed 27 people, the same number as bee and wasp stings, she told the ABC. Hornets, bees and wasps accounted for 27 deaths, some of them people allergic to stings. I did note that five people died from tick bites, recalling my three-day stay in hospital in 2017 after suffering an allergic reaction.

Australia’s venomous and dangerous animals can and do harm humans, but let’s keep it in perspective; 1,217 Australians died in traffic accidents in the year to March.

Three of the six people in our family convoy experienced extreme reactions to sand fly/midge bites, Our resident nurse inspected our bites and asked if anyone was feeling unwell.

“Irritated, yes. Unwell, no.”

Today we’re arriving on the Atherton Tableland for a family gathering. I expect midge bites will be a topic of conversation:

“Check out Bobby’s welts – poor bastard!”*

*Aussie term of endearment

Bread and circuses

broncos-vs-raiders
Photo by JunkByJo https://flic.kr/p/5ai8X8 (How quickly faces change in the NRL: Broncos vs Raiders 2008 (l-r) Carmichael Hunt (AFL), Michael Ennis (Sharks), Darren Lockyer (commentator), Denan Kemp (Australian Sevens), Dane Gagai (Newcastle), Nick Kenny (retired)

Not for nothing did the Roman Empire invent the phrase ‘bread and circuses.’ This unbeatable public policy formula was coined by a Roman scribe in an attempt to arrest the decline of heroism among Romans. It means a government soothing its anxious tax payers by providing food and grand spectacles, in this context, the footie grand final.

In Roman times the serfs gathered in vast public arenas, encouraged to give the thumbs down to beaten gladiators. Today we have the less life-threatening ‘Mexican Wave’ and the lone dickhead yelling something incomprehensible during a minute’s silence to honour a fallen comrade.

At a base level, keeping the people dull-witted by swamping them with heroic spectacles (the Olympics, the Ashes, the Melbourne Cup, the World Cup, the State of Origin, the Tour De France, Wimbledon, the Australian Open, the FA Cup, the Grand Prix…) can and does work.

Some might say it stops us analysing what is wrong with the world and how best to fix it. It might even be where a lot of the money that could be used to fix what’s wrong with the world is spent.

There’s nothing like Grand Final weekend to focus the mind on just how much money is spent organising, promoting and playing professional sports. We’ll talk about the Australian Football League (AFL) final in a bit, but for purely parochial purposes, let’s look at the National Rugby League (NRL) grand final.

There’s a reason 4.4 million people tuned in to Channel Nine last year for the 80-minute plus overtime contest between the Cowboys and the Broncos (the Cowboys won 17-16 in the ‘golden point’ overtime period, remember?). It comes down to the cost of actually attending the game. Tickets at Sydney’s Olympic Park this year range from $45 to $375. If you drive there, a standard parking fee of $25 applies. So even if Mum Dad and the two kids drive to the game and snag the cheapest tickets, it’s still a $300 day out by the time you factor in petrol, pies and burgers, chips, beer and whatever memorabilia is sold to you on the way in (and out).

Bu that is small beer compared to the Victorian Government’s decision to declare a new public holiday for the AFL Grand Final. An economic impact study by PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) estimated the costs of the two new public holidays (the other adds Easter Sunday to Good Friday as a gazetted public holiday), at between $717 million and $898 million. But as The Age reported, the Grand Final Eve holiday accounts for up to $852 million of the costs. PwC estimates the new public holidays will result in increased public holiday wage payments of between $252 million and $286 million.

Notwithstanding, this weekend offers a veritable feast of footie, especially if you follow both codes (AFL and NRL), and you can watch the games live on TV for nothing. Last year’s AFL final between the West Coast Eagles and Hawthorn drew 3.9 million viewers for the Saturday afternoon game. At $180 to $399 for a reserved seat at the Melbourne Cricket Ground you can understand why.

Well, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Footie finals means enduring saturation level advertising. At $130k minimum for a 30-second TV ad, advertisers nevertheless throw buckets of cash at the time slot to ensure its viewers know that their brand of car, beer, burger, mobile phone, betting app or hipster beard styling product is the best.

The stars of the show get well looked after. The 34 Melbourne Storm and Cronulla Sharks players (including four interchange players from each team), collectively earned about $7 million this year. That includes $4.27 million to most valued players in both teams; the highest paid (Storm captain Cameron Smith, $1.1 million), has a 72.3% success rate for kicking goals – more on this later.

I cite these more than adequate wages ($205,882 p.a. on average), not to irritate musician friends who customarily play four-hour gigs for about $100 per band member. No, footie players at this elite level deserve to be well paid for keeping themselves in top notch physical and psychological health and for learning how to stick to the script in after-match interviews:

Just happy to get the two points, mate’ or ‘we stuck to the game plan and saw out the 80 minutes’ or ‘Thanks to (sponsor) and (sponsor) and can I just say g’day to my Auntie in Cairns.’

So did you know that 53 NRL players earn more than $400,000 a year and a handful of those earn more than $1 million? Give them a break. It’s a short-lived career – 15 years at best. For those who invest and take the time to plan an after-footie career, it’s a good financial start.

Former Bronco turned sports commentator Gordon Tallis once famously said (amid a heated discussion about whether someone was offside or was that a forward pass) – “Guys, it’s just a game of footie.”

As is our custom, we will have friends over for pies and vegies and a good old fashioned yell at the television set. People in our village are sharply divided into (a) footie fans (the kind that own season tickets and belong to tipping clubs); (b) secret footie fans (those who would like to stay friends with (c) people who think there is something acutely wrong with our otherwise satisfactory level of mindfulness.

Mind you, I have seen hippies come out of the chemist shop clutching Lotto tickets, so nobody’s perfect.

She Who Yells at the Television says footie is great escapism and better, there’s a beginning, middle and end.

One’s level of interest in the Grand Final (if one has an interest at all), is predicated on whether the team you follow made it into the match.

This year our interest is academic – the highly accomplished wrestling team (the Melbourne Storm) versus the western Sydney outsiders, the Cronulla Sharks. As the late Jack Gibson once said: “Waiting for Cronulla to win a premiership is like leaving the porch lamp on for Harold Holt.” (Thanks to Roger the dentist for reminding me of this gem SWYATT)

Last year 82,000 people came to Olympic Park to watch the grand final and this year will be no different. A sold-out stadium is good business for those all-essential broadcast media deals. The NRL annual report detailed the five-year deal signed on 27 November 2015.

The Australian Rugby League Commission, Nine Network, News Corp Australia, Fox Sports and Telstra signed agreements to provide free to air television, pay television and mobile coverage of Rugby League for five years from 2018. The deal is worth $1.8 billion to the NRL, which makes gate takings of $57 million in 2015 look relatively modest.

I was going to write about (live) betting on footie but She Who Edits says no, it is stupid, immoral and leaves players open to temptation.

But, did you know you can get odds of 151-1 on no try being scored in Sunday’s match? Imagine!

The Rugby League Project records show that in 1986, the Parramatta Eels beat the Canterbury Bulldogs 4-2 in the only try-less Grand Final to date. Michael Cronin (Eels) kicked two penalties from four attempts, Terry Lamb (Dogs) kicked one from two.

Take the two, Cameron, take the two!