The fridge is leaking water on the kitchen floor,
There's a dent in the hinge and the glass is cracked on the microwave door
The dishwasher keeps backing up, but I choose to ignore,
The call to go shopping for whitegoods
The washing machine's ancient, it rattles and hums,
It stops altogether when the cleaning lady comes,
These are the parts of our household sums,
Time to go shopping for whitegoods.

Whitegoods, browngoods, hardware too,
The stores are full of people like me and you,
Downsizing to apartments with city views,
And replacing all of their whitegoods.

The kids are moving into a share house with their old school friends,
They want to take all our old whitegoods to help meet their ends,
Besides, white is out of fashion, stainless steel's all the trend,
Better go shopping for whitegoods.
The fridges are all designed for a family of four,
But at least they won't leak water on the kitchen floor,
We'll give the old one to the kids so they can learn to close the door,
Time to go shopping for whitegoods

Last time I mowed the lawns I tore a tendon in my knee,
The pool's always full of leaves from that 19-year old tree,
An apartment with a window box sounds pretty good to me,
Better go shopping for whitegoods.
The wife wants to move to the country but I'm not that keen,
I said let's keep a place in the city and have an income stream,
Then my girlfriend left a message on the answering machine,
Time to go shopping for whitegoods.

Downsizing and retirement scares the hell out of me,
What's a man supposed to do with all that time, I'm only 53,
I thought we were going to live in a commune outside Mullimbimby;
Instead we went shopping for whitegoods
We won't need whitegoods in the nursing home when that day comes,
Just a power of attorney whittling away at our household sums
We'll sit on cushions shaped like donuts, twiddling our thumbs
No longer interested in whitegoods.